---
Chapter Five
---
“Papa, look at me,” she shouts to me from across the field.
“I see you.”
She is chasing a butterfly with her hands, always chasing beauty – just like her mother. I look at her and smile. She is so beautiful with the wind caressing her long red hair and pale cheeks. She looks even paler in the summer sun than during night. People say that it is not possible to be that pale by nature – they say that she looks like ghost. I do not care what people say. Even if I did – she would still be my ghost. My darling little ghost, just like her mother.
“Papa, papa,” she giggles as she rushes at me. “Come play with me, papa.”
I hug her and kiss her forehead.
“But of course, humming-bird,” I smile. “What do you want to play?”
“Let’s play with the kite, papa,” she says with a smile that would melt even the coldest heart.
I pick up the kite from our picnic basket. It has a purple tail and green eyes – her favourite colours.
“This one?” I ask with a smile.
“Uh-huh,” she nods with an anticipating smile.
“But what if the kite doesn’t want to play with you?” I tease.
“Of course it does, papa,” she giggles. “He’s my best friend.”
I look at her big green eyes. They are full of joy.
“I thought I was your best friend,” I say with an acted pout.
She giggles at me and then bends over to hug me.
“You’re not my best friend,” she says. “You are my papa. And no one in the whole wide world can make me love anyone more than I love you.”
I smile at this. A small tear escapes my eye.
“Go now,” I smile, “play with your friend.”
As soon as I hand her the kite she dashes of through a field of daises. She is wild like the wind and as inconsiderate as her mother. Those were Mrs Dafoe’s daises. I shall have to apologize in the morning. For now, I will enjoy the darling company of my humming-bird.
In the evening, after hours of laughter, shouts and a picnic basket later, my dear Emily is completely exhausted. I carry her on my shoulders back home. The sun is setting beyond the lake. It flatters the willow tree on the west side of the lake, which is gently dipping its branches into the lake. A swan couple is cleaning each other beneath the branches. How I envy them – to be loved and touched once more.
Back home I put Emily to bed. She is freezing and is looking unusually pale. But this is not the first time, so I do not worry. I tuck her in tightly and kiss her good night. As I am about the leave her room I hear her whisper to me.
“Papa,” she whispers. “Why did mama have to leave?”
I am startled. I had thought that she had forgotten about that by now, and only I was tormented by the memories.
“Mama left,” I swallow not to sob, “to go to a better a place – a place of beauty,” I say with a faint smile.
Emily goes silent for a moment. When I look at her now she looks almost like an adult – all grown up.
“Can I go there too?” she asks, “to the place of beauty?”
A tear makes its way down my cheek. I sob quietly so she does not hear me.
“Not yet, humming-bird,” I say, “not yet.”
I kiss her on the forehead and wish her a good night’s sleep. I close the door behind me.
I sit on my porch gazing over the lake now reflecting the silver stars rather than the setting sun. It is a bit colder than before, which is to be expected by night. My mind drifts of to my wife Natalie. She was so beautiful, so loving and caring.
“Why did you have to leave?” I whisper into the night with a sob.
I sit in silence for a moment, hoping for an answer, or at least a sign that she heard has me. I receive neither.
What pains me the most is not the loss of my wife; I have dealt with that for six months now. It still saddens me to think of her, but I have come to accept her fate. No, there is something else that burdens both my heart and mind.
I hear Emily cough from her bedroom, once, then again and again. It is not the first time, but I think it is getting worse. The doctor has examined her many times but says that it is nothing to worry about – that it will pass over soon. I pray that he is right. It pains me to know my Emily is suffering.
“She’s dying,” I hear his voice from the shadows.
He comes every night, wearing a dark coat and a grave expression. I do not like him. He sits down next to me in a chair and joins my dark thoughts.
“You don’t know that.”
He sits in silence, gazing at the stars for a while. It seems to me as if his cold blue eyes are studying the sky to learn the mystery of life. Though I am aware of the impossibility of the statement I somehow suspect that he is more than human. There is just something different about him.
“Maybe not,” he says after a while. “Let us hope I am mistaken.”
He gets out of the chair and leaves me to my solitude.
“Wait,” I beg. “How do you know about my daughter?”
But he is gone. He leaves me in the dark with only the stars to guide me.
---
“Is he okay?” I hear a kid wondering.
“I don’t know,” a woman replies worried.
“Perhaps we should head back to the hospital with him,” the kid suggests.
“Perhaps,” the woman ponders. “But if they didn’t want him there before, why would they tend to him now?”
“Because he hasn’t gotten better like they said he would,” the kid counters.
“Maybe,” the woman says. “Let’s give a bit more time.”
---
“Time flies by, doesn’t it?” Mrs. Dafoe says with a smile. “It seems like just yesterday when young Emily was plummeting through my beloved daises and made me replant every single on of them.”
I smile and pat her on the back.
“Those were the days, weren’t they?” I chuckle, “To think that my darling girl would grow up so fast.”
Emily is sitting in a chair in the middle of the room wearing a stunning green dress with white laces hanging down her sleeves. She is surrounded by an ocean of birthday gifts from both family and friends. I have never seen her look so happy. She picks up a pink parcel and starts to unwrap it.
“Fifteen already,” her uncle says patting her on her back. “If only your mother was around to see you today.”
An awkward silence spreads in the room. Why did she have to mention my Natalie on a joyful day like this? Luckily, my sister Meriam dashes in with a glass to salvage the pieces of joy.
“May I propose a toast in honour of our beloved Emily, who is now a fully fledged woman,” my sister proclaims.
We all raise our glasses to the air.
“To Emily,” we celebrate and empty our glasses.
When evening comes, Emily and I thank our guests for joining us on such a happy occasion. While Emily stays in the living room to unwrap the remaining gifts, I walk my sister to the door.
“Don’t forget the necklace,” she whispers to me as she leaves. “She has earned it.”
I wave my sister goodbye and sigh. My humming-bird is growing up so fast. I close the door and walk up the stairs to my bedroom and pull out the top drawer of my dresser. Before me lies a black box containing a beautiful necklace that once belonged to my beloved wife. I pick it up and put it in my pocket.
Downstairs Emily is trying on a pair of shoes given to her by her uncle.
“Do they fit?” I ask.
She did obviously not expect me to be down here. She turns to me with a shocked expression and stumbles to the floor, landing in a sea of gift paper.
“They’re beautiful, papa,” she says as I help her up.
She studies me as I start to gather the gift paper in a pile. I think she knows that something else is yet to come.
“Thank you for a lovely day, papa,” she says with a happy smile. “I will never forget this day as long as I live.”
“I hope you won’t, humming-bird,” I smile.
After having gathered everything in a pile I get on my feet and walk to the windows. I stare into the dark night, illuminated only by a blanket of stars.
“Is something wrong, papa?” Emily asks my worriedly.
I sigh, gather my strength and turn around, facing her. My hand reaches into my pocket.
“Your mother—” I attempt but am stopped by a sob.
I look into the eyes of my grown up daughter. They are shining so brightly in the starlight. In them I find the strength.
“Your mother would’ve wanted you to have this.”
I remove the golden necklace from my pocket. Its pendant is shaped like fullmoon and is decorated by a big pearl in the middle of it.
“It’s beautiful,” she states, biting her lip, trying not to cry.
I place it around her neck and embrace her tightly. She looks so much like her mother. We cry on each other’s shoulders.
“I miss her, papa,” she weeps.
“So do I, humming-bird. So do I—”
---
“What if he doesn’t wake up?” I hear the kid ask.
“Of course he’ll wake up,” the woman says. “He’s breathing, isn’t he?”
“That doesn’t mean he will wake up,” the kid replies. “Let’s get him to the hospital.”
“A bit longer,” the woman suggests.
---
I do not know what to do any longer. She has been sick for a long time now. Yesterday I could have sworn that she was coughing blood. Her handkerchief was covered in red when I saw it. But she says that it is nothing and that I should not worry. I shall have to trust her.
The doctor was here again yesterday. He said that her condition is getting worse. No longer does he think that it is ‘nothing’. I think that we should get her to a hospital, but she says that I should calm down – that it is a breeze soon to vanish. I do not know what to think.
It is evening now. We are both off to bed. As I walk up the stairs to my bedroom Emily stops me.
“I love you, papa,” she says and embraces me.
She has not been the same since I gave her the necklace of my beloved Natalies some months ago on her birthday. I fear that she misses her more than she tells me. I can only hope that her sorrows do not pull her into the dark abyss.
“I love you too, humming-bird,” I reply.
I kiss her good night and leave for my bedroom.
In the morning she does not join me for breakfast. When I enter her bedroom I see that she has not even gotten out of bed. I pull her curtains aside and let the morning sun caress her cheeks.
“Good morning, humming-bird,” I say with a smile.
I get no answer.
“Still sleeping?” I ask gently. “It is a beautiful morning.”
There is still no answer. Poor girl, she must be really tired. Perhaps I should let her sleep a bit longer just for today. But as I am about to leave her bedroom I spot a red trail on her sheets.
“Humming-bird?” I ask worriedly.
I move carefully to her bed. This cannot be. Not again – I cannot handle this once more. Please, lord – let it be something else.
When I pull her cover aside I see her lying in her bed, paler than ever. Her red hair is covered in her own blood - so are her lips. I stare at her, speechless for minutes. Her bright green eyes are facing me without a remote sign of life in them. I embrace her once more only to feel her close to me. Then I whisper in her ear.
“My darling little ghost, why did you leave me?”
I collapse on the bed next to my beloved Emily. I lie there, crying for hours.
---
Two weeks later I have her buried by the lake, next to her mother. It is what she would have wanted, I tell myself. I stay by her grave until nightfall, watching as the scenery goes from dark to darker. I wish not to live anymore.
As I sit there by the graves I sense someone approaching. I need not turn around to know whom. He has not visited me in years, not since I refused to believe him.
“How did you know?”
“I didn’t,” he states coldly.
“But you told me that she was dying.”
“Aren’t we all?” he says.
I hate him for this. I wish never to see him ever again. He has brought nothing but pain to me. And yet, I do not harm him – I dare not.
“Leave,” I beg.
He observes me for minutes, then curses my family once more.
“You’re dying too,” he says with a dark undertone.
“I don’t care.”
And truly – I do not. I have served my purpose in this world. It has mocked me by forcing me to live this long.
“I can help,” he continues.
“No one can,” I state and put a rose on my daughter’s grave.
“I can give you life,” he says.
“And yet you have given me nothing but promises of death?”
He stares at me. I imagine that he understands me, but I do not know for sure.
“I can help you avenge their death,” he says coldly.
Impossible. One does not avenge death by giving death to another one.
“They both died of disease,” I say, perplexed.
He nods gravely.
“I can help you avenge their death by given you a life, free of any illness you may ever encounter,” he says arrogantly.
I study him through a mask of tears. My tears are drying up now. I have few left to shed.
“How?” I ask, wiping of the tears from my cheeks.
“It matters not,” he states. “Will you allow my help or not?”
I stare into his blue eyes. They are cold, almost as if they were made of ice. Somewhere inside I see truth – meaning. Perhaps he is the salvation my family has been looking for.
I nod to accept his offer.
“Are you God?” I ask humbly.
This is the first time I hear him laugh.
“Not yet,” he replies with a grin. “Close your eyes – this will only hurt for a moment.”
A searing pain shrieks through my body and leaves me limp in his arms. My neck is bleeding. I feel life leave my body. At this I smile. Finally I shall be with my loving Natalie and our beloved daughter Emily.
I feel my body twitch and my breath leave me. My world goes black.
---
I wake up in a soft bed. Before me I see a young woman with stunning red hair and bright green eyes looking worriedly at me. She puts a soft hand on my forehead and speaks comforting – words I do not hear. Could it be—
“Humming-bird?” I whisper through dry lips.
---
Chapters
Prologue | 1
| 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Epilogue
